Concerning “John Carter” and the Texture of a Movie

It’s now been almost two months since Disney held its nose and released John Carter, investing everything it could in trying to draw audiences even as they knew that it was probably going to end up being the biggest write-down of all time. And, though it hasn’t come close to wreaking the kind of havoc that Heaven’s Gate did when it bankrupted United Artists back in 1980, it’s still proved a colossal disappointment, pulling in just $69 million domestically (barely breaking even on its $250 million budget on the back of stronger overseas performance) and leading to a $200 million operating loss for Disney. Strangely, though, it hasn’t been all that poorly received – its 51% score on RottenTomatoes, though objectively low, isn’t that far off the 57% scored by the first Transformers movie, and my unscientific survey of people I knew who’d seen it produced none of the out-and-out disdain that I would expect out of such a colossal misfire.

Now that we’re a bit further removed from the histrionics and hand-wringing of the release, I’d like to circle back around to John Carter as the starting point for examining the importance of a movie’s ‘texture,’ which is sort of my fancy way of describing the overall effect that production design, for good or ill, has on film and television viewership.

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Shutter Island, 2010

I remember this trailer being more awesome, so I’m wondering if I found the right one. Regardless, a forgettable footnote in the careers of all involved.

Superman Returns, 2006

The Brando voice-over really makes this.

It might be unfair to deride SR as truly awful. You know that girl in college who was really pretty and carried herself well, but after you hung out with her once or twice you realized that she actually was dumb as a post and had no personality? Superman Returns is the movie form of that.

Great Movie Trailers for Terrible Movies

I love movies, and no movie-going experience is complete without the four or five previews before your feature starts. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that I’m disappointed if I miss the trailers and the accompanying whispers of either, “Oh, that looks awesome,” or “Wow, there is no way that that movie can possibly be good.”

But let’s face it: every so often, we see a trailer that makes a movie look absolutely awesome, only to go and see that movie a few months later and leave scratching our heads wondering how we could have been so excited. Some movies really just should have been left at the advertising stage.

Starting this week, the Jentleman encourages a celebration of these works of genius, deceptive advertising art. Every Tuesday, I’ll be posting up a great movie trailer for a terrible movie. How long can this go for? We’ll see. I’m sure there are more than expected.

For now, though, and since it’s Oscar season, let me tantalize you with this very funny parody trailer that first went up around this time last year.